Thursday, May 28, 2015

The Secret I Have Been Keeping...

I have always prided myself on my authenticity.  I am a very open person and I am happy to be one.  I have been keeping a big part of my life private for quite sometime.  Writing a blog and keeping this part under wraps have been very difficult.  But I think I am finally ready to shed some light on the life I have been living for the past 4-5 months.  In 2011, I found out that I was pregnant and was so excited my oldest at the time was 2 and we were looking forward to adding another child to the family.  At my boy's upcoming 3rd birthday we made a Wonder Pets themed shirt that said "Guess who is going to be a big brother" on the back and let him run around and see how long it took for everyone to notice.  At the time I was 12 weeks had already visited the doctor and felt I was out of the  woods.  Excitedly we shared the news at the party.  A week later, at the time the unexpected happened and I began to miscarry our little one.  I was devastated  and even more so that we brought our son with us to the doctor for the ultrasound.  I tried to hold back my hysterical crying because my boy started to get really scared.  Fortunately on the drive home he fell asleep and I had the opportunity to grieve.  Looking back if I was really honest with myself I would have known that I was in the process of miscarrying.  We had, a month before my boys birthday, attended a cruise and I was having some of the signs of miscarriage.  The worst part about the miscarriage which made it more painful was having to share the news to everyone we had just told at my son's birthday.  It was so painful and heartbreaking to let everyone know.  It is amazing how quickly your life can change.  The day after the miscarriage I was in the living room with my boy and he told me he saw an angel and it was beautiful.  Out of the blue.  It really was an amazing thing to happen after such a horrible night of loss.  I went on after losing this child to have what they call a rainbow baby my youngest who is currently 2 in 2012.  Boy do you appreciate your pregnancy in ways you never thought about before. I was throughout the pregnancy considered high risk because of the miscarriage and lucky me at the gestational diabetes test was borderline.  So the girl terrified of needles had to check her blood 4 times a day.  I was a wreck and constantly stressed.  I lost a lot of weight and for awhile I was really terrified to eat. Thankfully my boy was born healthy and he is a little bruiser today let me tell you.

My secret was kept because of all of these experiences but I want to share with all of you what I have been keeping to myself for these months.
I am in a state of shock but so excited to share that we are expecting a little girl!!!!

No comments:

Post a Comment